国外也有段子手：五个进球，献给最伟大的5号

大家好啊，欢迎收看本期“国外也有段子手”！本周的欧洲足坛并没有什么焦点战役，相比之下，更加引人注目的则是皇马新帅齐达内的首秀之战。结果出人意料的好，齐祖带队5球大胜，贝尔完成帽子戏法，大多数球迷认为，齐祖让人再次看到了希望。

同时，巴萨也在联赛中4-0兵不血刃地战胜对手，梅西完成帽子戏法剑指金球；阿森纳和曼联也都成功闯过足总杯第三轮，只是过程有所不同。一起来看看国外段子手们的吐槽吧！

【皇马5-0大胜，齐达内执教首秀获一致好评】

envague(曼联球迷)：齐达内只用了72分钟，就做到了爵爷、穆帅、安帅和贝尼特斯做不到的事情——让C罗滑铲防守。(72 minutes into his coaching career and Zidane achieved something Fergie, Mourinho, Ancelotti and Benitez couldn't combined - a Cristiano Ronaldo slide tackle.)

RedAnonym(皇马球迷)：希望齐达内在皇马的未来能和他的脑门一样锃光瓦亮。(Hopefully Zidane's future at Real Madrid is as bright as his head.)

HippoBigga(巴萨球迷)：已经和之前的皇马完全不同了。贝大师走的第一周，想他。(A completely different Madrid, Rafa I miss you already.)

abouchedid(皇马球迷)： 穿西装，口香糖，433，攻势强。齐达内=安切洛蒂，证毕。(Zidane this game: Suit, Chewing Gum, Playing a 4-3-3, Fun Offensive Football. Zidane = Ancelotti Comfirmed)

little_legz(皇马球迷)：伙计们看见没？中场，中场！我们有中场了！(Lads we have a midfield)

mrc96(中立球迷)： 卡瓦哈尔和达尼洛真是天差地别。感受大胡子的愤怒吧！(Having Carvajal in instead of Danilo has already made a huge difference. Fear the beard)

envague(曼联球迷)：齐达内的赛前动员：“伙计们，一会开场了先穿个裆，再来几个马赛回旋，然后开上帝视角传一脚弧线球，最后接传中头球破门就行了。这也没什么难的嘛。”(Zidane's pre-match talk: "All right lads, I want you to start the match with a nutmeg, a couple roulettes, a pinpoint pass to the wing and then head in the cross for a goal.")

Kluey(多伦多球迷)：“要是实在不行的话也别担心，打不开局面的话我就换自己上了。”("and by the way, if we're in trouble I'm bringing myself on so don't worry")

【巴萨4-0格拉纳达，梅西帽子戏法，苏亚雷斯花式吐饼】

Micste(巴萨球迷)：梅西通过穿裆来虹吸其他人的能力，导致苏亚雷斯连吐三饼。(Messi siphons one's football abilities by nutmegging them. That's why Suarez missed three sitters recently.)

Mantis300(墨西哥球迷)：苏牙这是唤醒了内心的穆尼尔。(Suarez channeling his inner Munir)

This-Is-MyUsername(曼联球迷)：梅西这种过人动作还真是少见啊哈哈。(Weird to see Messi with that trick haha.)

(图)“梅西式”马赛回旋

STL47(皇马球迷)：看齐祖来了打个招呼？(Maybe say hello to Zizou?)

wawin(巴萨球迷)： 看图兰踢球让我想到了德科。聪明又有风格，防守的时候也很有侵略性。(Arda Turan's style of play reminds me a bit of Deco. Smart, stylish and aggressive when off the ball)

sutro19(巴萨球迷)：只要不扔鞋，别的都好说。(As long as he doesnt throw shoes i'm ok with his playstyle.)

【阿森纳3-1桑德兰，贝莱林5分钟2助攻】

Pigisdeado(阿森纳球迷)： 厄祖终于轮休了，上轮踢纽卡我感觉他都快挂了。(It's about time Ozil got rested, poor lad looked like he was gonna die against Newcastle a week ago.)

Friedgold1(阿森纳球迷)：于是贝莱林开启了厄齐尔模式。(Bellerin channeling his inner Ozil today)

punerisaiyan(曼联球迷)：20年过去了，温格治下的阿森纳从未在足总杯第三轮被淘汰过。(Arsenal have never lost a third round tie with Arsene Wenger as manager, progressing from all 20 ties)

14Deadsouls(阿森纳球迷)：终于不是和4有关的段子了。(Thank god it's not a stat about something 4th.)

【曼联1-0小胜，比赛过程乏善可陈，鲁尼补时点球绝杀】

mhaydar(曼联球迷)：显然，我们的比赛这么无聊和对手的防守是………………完全没有关系的！小学生来了也能防死你魔。(It's clear that the quality of the opposing defence doesn't matter at all, this boring bullshit is all our own doing and kids can defend against it.)

wutwatwhat(中立球迷)：埃弗顿那边有只小猫跑进球场里了。(There was a cat on the pitch in the Everton game.)

VerifiedMod(中立球迷)：是吗！这可比曼联的比赛有意思多了！(now that's more exciting than this whole match)

punerisaiyan(曼联球迷)：老特拉福德过去十场比赛的半场比分：没脸说了自己看吧。(Last 10 first-halfs at Old Trafford: 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-1, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0.)

hennny(曼联球迷)：莱斯特城现在有比赛吗？或者我还能看点啥别的东西？(Is there a Leicester game or something anywhere we can watch instead?)

TheBestUtdOwnerEver(曼联球迷)：想了想，我还是去看一发球色怡人吧。(Think im just going to have a wank instead)

天干地寒，注意身体哦~