国外也有段子手：直接把球传给你，看你怎么抢

大家吼啊，欢迎收看本期“国外也有段子手”！本周英超的焦点战层出不穷，先是利物浦和阿森纳上演进球大战和补时扳平的戏码；之后切尔西和埃弗顿同样打出了3-3的比分，特里第98分钟争议进球；最后的双红会，范师傅凭借找回状态的鲁队长的绝杀四杀红军。而在西甲，皇马巴萨也分别在主场取得大胜。来看看歪果仁对比赛的吐槽吧！

【利物浦0-1曼联，鲁尼绝杀，范加尔四杀红军】

ItsOnly4-0(曼联球迷)：看来克洛普的高位逼抢对我们这么烂的中场没什么用啊。(It seems the Klopp pressing was no match for our mediocre midfield.)

spoofex(曼联球迷)：我魔的战术就是：“我们直接把球传给你，你还怎么抢啊哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈？”(United tactics; "How can you press, if we keep giving you the ball, hmmmmmmm?!")

Muzzydon2(曼联球迷)：对于范加尔来说，即使问题再多，赢利物浦也不是事儿。(LVG has 99 problems but beating Liverpool aint one)

Emre23(利物浦球迷)：曼联全场就特么射正了1次啊，杀了我吧。(1 shot on target, kill me.)

Jackoosh(利物浦球迷)：要是皇马的传真机能正常工作，我们就能轻松拿下了。(If Madrid had a working fax machine we would've won that easily)

JayJ_9(曼联球迷)：要是你们的斯图里奇也能正常工作，你们就能更轻松地拿下了。(If you had a working Sturridge you would've won that even more easily)

JulianJoachim(布伦特福德球迷)：一场比赛下来，亨德森能让安菲尔德的每个球迷都领个球回家。真牛逼。(Quite enjoying Jordan Henderson's one man campaign to ensure that every fan in the Anfield Road end goes home with a football. Great stuff.)

【利物浦3-3阿森纳，乔阿伦补时扳平，温格渣叔场边聊天】

(图)根本没时间眨眼！

NGU-Ben(曼联球迷)：我算是知道为什么英超是最刺激的联赛了。因为防守都是翔啊！(Starting to realise the Premier League is the most exciting league in the world because our defenses are shite.)

PureDarkness93(阿森纳球迷)：知道意甲为什么看起来那么无聊了吧。(Explains why everyone thinks Italy is really boring as well.)

Harris101(澳大利亚球迷)：温格和克洛普好得像闺蜜似的…(Wenger and Klopp are definitely besties..)

Sharden(蒙特利尔球迷)：穆鸟和温格的对立终将过去，到来的是教授和渣叔的基情岁月。(This is the start of a beautiful bromance. It's the antithesis of the Jose/Wenger relationship.)

Harris101(澳大利亚球迷)：真想知道他们中场聊什么呢(Wonder what Klopp and Wenger said having a chat midway through the first half..)

Plaetean(阿森纳球迷)：“这防守真tm烂，你说是吧？”('what a fuckin defence eh?')

【切尔西3-3埃弗顿，特里98分钟争议扳平】

davidloach(埃弗顿球迷)：各位中立球迷你们好，很高兴能为你们提供如此精彩的一场比赛。如果你们愿意拿点钱出来给我们买速效救心丸的话，那就再好不过了。(Hey neutral fans, glad we could provide the most entertaining games in football for the past few months. if you could kindly pay for all of my medical bills in return, that'd be great, I am developing severe heart problems.)

GetYourZircOn(埃弗顿球迷)：对中立球迷来说，埃弗顿的比赛一直很精彩；而对我们来说真是太特么煎熬了。(Everton are brilliant for the neutral; absolute hell for Everton fans.)

dinladen(切尔西球迷)：切尔西的防线简直就是祖马一个人扛，太厉害了。(Wow, Zouma genuinely running the entire defence right now. Such an impressive athlete.)

chiguy440(巴萨球迷)： 98分钟越位进球，我要是埃弗顿球迷我都要气死了。(Holy shit I'd be furious if I were an evertonian. 98th minute and offside.)

【皇马5-1希洪竞技，BBC五分钟进三球，本泽马凌空倒钩】

-DapperDanMan-(中立球迷)：这场比赛皇马肯定不会输的，齐达内时代皇马的胜率可是100%。(No way madrid lose this one, they have a 100% win record with Zidane managing.)

booomhorses(皇马球迷)：我…我竟无力反驳…(Okay man…U got me)

FoodCourtDruid(巴列卡诺球迷)：好事啊，皇马这么快就搞定比赛，我可以去接着看双红会了。(Nice of Real to wrap this one up quick so I can see if anything happens in Liverpool/United.)

booomhorses(皇马球迷)：我出去接了个水，回来就3-0了。(I went to go refill my water bottle and i come it's 3-0)

ioannsukhariev(皇马球迷)：第一轮居然能和希洪0-0打平，贝尼特斯不愧足球天才。(0-0 against this team in the league opener. Rafa genius.)

【巴萨6-0毕巴，内马尔神级一条龙助攻】

DivineVibrations(巴萨球迷)：那绝对是个点球。从规则上讲给红牌也没错，但是确实是太严格了。(Definite PK. Technically a red according to the rules but that rule is so harsh.)

joshmoshpit(阿森纳球迷)：所以罗贝托还没打过什么位置？门将、前锋、大巴司机和清洁工？(So what positions are left for Sergi? Keeper, striker, bus driver, janitor?)

Extify(巴萨球迷)：下场直接当教练啊。(Coach for next game.)

Arsenalboii(阿森纳球迷)：内马尔这球真是活生生创造出机会啊，简直不可思议。(Neymar just created that goal out of nothing, incredible player.)

farzadhasan(切尔西球迷)：内马尔直接把我看石更了。(Neymar is orgasmical)