国外也有段子手：爱仁者，仁恒爱之！

2017/10/15 7:22:32 www.zb8.com.cn 互联网

大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，尤文实现意甲五连冠，巴萨、皇马、马竞在西甲齐头并进，莱斯特城则放缓了提前夺冠的步伐。另外，欧冠两场半决赛看点迭起，而多特队长胡梅尔斯则希望下赛季加盟拜仁慕尼黑。好了，话不多说，让我们看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

【官方宣布！胡梅尔斯希望加盟拜仁】

AdamBomb(多特蒙德球迷)：“这与冠军和金钱无关，我只是想和我最好的朋友们一起享受足球的乐趣，并一起取得成功。”这是之前胡梅尔斯表明自己要长留多特时所说的话。(’It's not all about winning titles and money. It's also about playing wonderful football and being successful together with friends.’ It’s what he explained why he’d stay in Dortmund forever. )

Afito(奥林匹亚科斯球迷)：可能他当时说的朋友是格策和莱万吧！(Maybe Lewy and Gotze are his friends.)

niaCatfishLum(柏林赫塔球迷)：爱仁者，仁恒爱之。(They are longing for Bayern and Bayern has no reason to refuse these talents.)

CrypticGalaxy(多特蒙德球迷)：我知道胡梅是留不住的，巴萨、曼联、切尔西等球队都想要他。我曾设想过无数次和威斯特法伦的球迷一起为他送别的场景，唯独没有想到是我们的队长最后竟是想去拜仁。等在多特的最后一战，真不知该如何面对他。(I knew that Hummels wouldn’t stay for long as Barca, Man Utd and Chelsea all want to sign him. Rather confident that if he were to leave, one of the last places he would go to is Bayern. I used to think that when he finally leave I will join the farewell ceremony at home field, but now I can’t imagine what would happen then.)

(图)别人家的超市VS拜仁家的超市

Sky1ine(阿森纳球迷)：多年以后，当被问及为何离开多特而加盟拜仁时，胡梅尔斯便会说到：“我听从内心深处那个小男孩的呼唤，他在喊着‘拜仁慕尼黑’！”(A few years later when asked about why he chose Bayern, Hummels would say ’I listen to the little boy within, and he screamed Bayern Munich.’)

DivineVibrations(巴黎圣日尔曼球迷)：你当初那么抨击格策，和拜仁斗了这么久，最终却变得和他们一样。人世间没有任何理想值得以这样的沉沦作为代价。(Hummels said so many critical words when Gotze move to Bayern and fight against them for such a long time, it’s cute that he just become the one he used to curse.)

Jelboo(阿森纳球迷)：有没有那么一种永远，永远不改变，拥抱过的美丽都再也不破碎。为何承诺最后会像一张纸屑，还不如一片花瓣曾经鲜艳。(Once upon a time I was longing for the loyalty to the team forever, but the reality taught me so many things. People sure change and the promises are just so much easier said than done)

【马竞两场1-0，连胜拜仁巴列卡诺】

EnRando(拜仁球迷)：无穆勒，不拜仁。(No Müller is bad luck.)

Pahope21(拜仁球迷)：这集我看过，下回合回到主场0-4，我仁这三年被西超三强给轮了…(What a similar scene that we are going to lose 0-4 at home, feel so bad to be knocked down by teams of La Liga year by year.)

(图)拜仁面对其他球队VS拜仁面对西甲球队

CheekyFifa(曼联球迷)：次回合的剧情我都想好了，拜仁早早地就由穆勒莱万进球取得两球领先，直到比赛最后马竞才由戈丁顶进一个挽回颜面的头球。(I could imagine that Muller and Lewandowski’s goal make Bayern take an early lead at home, Atletico only score a header by Godin in the end to mask the embarrassment.)

Jelboo(巴萨球迷)：这场比赛时两种截然不同战术之间的巅峰对决，比赛只有两种结果，要么极其激情四射，要么令人昏睡沉沉…(Two best tacticians with wildly different styles against each other. This could end up being a fantastic tie or a major borefest.)

(图)2014年起，淘汰拜仁的西甲球队都获得了欧冠冠军，那今年呢？

Butchermorgan(切尔西球迷)：本赛季马竞零封的场次都快比进的球还多了。(Nearly more clean sheets than goals conceded this season for Atletico.)

TsaFack(巴萨球迷)：自从西蒙尼来到马竞后，床单军团在256场比赛里零封了对手135场，在过去16场在卡尔德隆球场的欧冠比赛中，马竞零封对手14场。这个赛季全部的52场比赛，有33场没让对手进球…(Atletico Madrid's defensive record under Diego Simeone: 256 games, 135 clean sheets. They also kept a clean sheet in 14 of their last 16 Champions League matches at the Calderón and 33 clean sheets in their 52 games in all competitions this season.)

Yhyde83(马德里竞技球迷)：要是我这个赛季每场比赛都买我们1-0获胜就好了，赢的钱就能帮球队多买好几个大腕了！ (What if I bet all our match at 1-0! The money won could even buy several big names for us…)

(图)西蒙尼的马竞在本赛季将萨其马三巨头全部击败了...

【曼联1-1莱斯特城，狐狸暂缓夺冠脚步】

Chillin(利物浦冠军)：要是莱斯特城赢了球，喝水哥就变成喝酒哥啦！(Danny Drinkwater, if they win tonight it's gonna be Danny Drinkbeer.)

Bowlcu(利物浦球迷)：世界上最痛苦的事，不是多年无冠，而是莱斯特城都拿英超冠军了，而我们却还没有。(As a Liverpool fan, it’s not so miserable to have no trophies for years, but I can’t help thinking about "Even fucking Leicester won it".)

(图)2066年，50年莱斯特城死忠回忆幸福往事

Cramer08(利物浦球迷)：拟把疏狂图一醉，对酒当歌，英超梦又碎。(Only a drunk could make me forget this.)

PureDarkness(阿森纳球迷)：能带我一个吗？(Can I join you?)

Zombiejh(阿森纳球迷)：不得不说，明天将是我第一次希望切尔西赢球…(Never thought I'd watch a match side by side with a Chelsea fan tomorrow.)

(图)据说这是条史上最打脸的推特...

CumSoup(曼联球迷)：刚才看到媒体的头条报道，说曼联在主场逼平了莱斯特城。我的天，世界真是变化太大了…(Just saw a headline that said Manchester United held Leicester to a draw. My dear, how times change.)

Unitedroyal(曼联球迷)：当老爵爷走之后，曼联梦剧场的比赛终于再次决定冠军的归属，只是这次，曼联从争冠的主角变成了陪衬的绿叶。(Once again the title would be decided at Old Trafford since Sir Alex left, but this time we are not the one fighting for trophy.)

(图)老特拉福德的冠军归属之战，曼联却不是争冠的一方...

Cdrake64(切尔西球迷)：唉，我有种预感，切尔西将再次成为决定冠军归属的英雄。(Sigh... I guess we'll have to be the hero of the season once again...:)

Fieldsofan(沙尔克04球迷)：没事，切尔西不用非在明天击败或逼平热刺，他们只需在莱斯特城来斯坦福桥比赛时在更衣室准备好披萨就行了。(Chelsea don't have to do the guard of honour if they win or draw tomorrow, but they do have to stock the away changing rooms with Pizza.)

【欧冠憾平联赛胜，皇马紧咬争冠希望】

Sadfaced(纽卡斯尔联球迷)：看了这场比赛，我觉得皇马和曼城都该在半决赛被淘汰。(I think both Real and City would like to stop at semi-finals after this match.)

(图)小编终于把上上期这张图的完整版找到啦！

Etruepredator(拉齐奥球迷)：并不怪哈特太牛逼，而是齐达内的裤子不够用了，所以皇马就放缓了赢球步伐，好让他抓紧时间多买几条。(It’s not Hart save the City, it’s just because Zidane didn’t have so many pants, so the Real players gave him time to buy some more.)

Sgogeta(巴萨球迷)：伯纳乌的90分钟将会非常的漫长，曼城，祝你们好运！(Good luck city, 90 minutes in the Bernabéu is a very long time...)

ThisUsernameIsSexy(多特蒙德球迷)：你知道吗？在马德里每过去60秒，就会消失1分钟。(Do you know that every 60 seconds in Madrid, a minute passes.)

Edtreeharp(皇马球迷)：真不明白J罗为什么在重要比赛里一直不能首发，难道他用头顶了齐达内的老婆不成？(Can’t figure out why James isn’t in starting of big games, did he headbutt Zidane's wife?)

Maskiwe(马德里竞技球迷)：很长一段时间里都是J罗和伊斯科在争夺一个首发位置，结果争来争去首发的成卡塞米罗了。(For a long time James and Isco competed for a start but it was Casemiro who laughed at last.)

【五连冠！囧式尤文的疯狂进击】

NalohamedF(意大利球迷)：今夜，你们终将明白谁才是意甲赛场上真正的大王霸！(Tonight you’ve already know who ruled the Serie A.)

Spitzee(阿森纳球迷)：真是难以想象，尤文在如此坑爹开局的情况下，从去年10月31号开始，在联赛能拿的75分里拿到了73分。(Quite incredible considering how poorly Juve started their season, they've won 73 out of possible 75 points since October 31st.)

(图)我曾想以后向孩子们介绍这些长久厮守的故事，后来一想他们应该可以亲自看到

Sputniki(国际米兰球迷)：联赛前10轮过后和领头羊差10分，现在却提前3轮夺冠，杀了我吧…(11 points behind first place with 10 games gone, mathematically champions with 3 games left. Fuck me...)

Ntustheultimat(皇马球迷)：看了看各大联赛球员的表现，我皇的引援目标开始明确起来：尤文的莫拉塔、赫迪拉，拜仁的阿隆索，阿森纳的厄齐尔，以及巴黎的迪马利亚，此皆肱骨贤良之臣，得之可诛马竞巴萨。(I’ve made a detailed survey for the transfer movement of us this summer, Morata and Khedira in Juventus, Alonso in Bayern, Ozil in Arsenal and Di Maria in Paris are the players we just needed, Barca and Atletico are not hard to beat with them.)

【梅西两助苏牙进球，巴萨继续领跑积分榜】