国外也有段子手：这场比赛没有输家！

大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，德国终于治好了“恐意症”，法国则战胜冰岛，与德国会师半决赛，而葡萄牙和威尔士也将狭路相逢。同时，各大豪门也纷纷开始引援行动，重磅交易层数不穷。好了，话不多说，让我们看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

【法国晋级半决赛，冰岛虽败犹荣】

FreedomByFire(本菲卡球迷)：我们应该说，恭喜冰岛以2-5的比分获得了胜利！(We can say Iceland win the match by 2-5.)

Mskruba12(国际米兰球迷)：还记得吗，那冰岛跃过的海洋，你还记得吗？是足球让彼此把夜点亮。(I will always remember there’s a team cross the ocean to delight the world by their wonderful football.)

Svvansea(斯旺西球迷)：这场比赛没有输家！当然英格兰除外。(There is no loser in this game except England.)

(图)冰岛当地球迷的观球热情令人敬佩

【魔咒终打破，德国首次在大赛淘汰意大利】

CaptainHorst (德国球迷)：我一点也不紧张，真的，真不紧张。诶对了，你们知道哪里治疗指甲损伤比较好吗，就是被自己的牙打哆嗦咬坏的那种。(I'm not nervous. No, I'm not. My fingernails are bitten off but I'm surely not nervous, anyone know how to cure my fingers?)

SpyMonkey3D(法国球迷)：德国：“嘿，呆梨，你赢吧！”意大利：“不，小德，你来赢。”德国：“好，成交！”意大利：“…你不喊了啊？”(Germany: "You win." Italy: "No, you win." Germany: "Okay, fine." Italy: "...WTF?")

Merc92(希伯尼安球迷)：有趣的是，德国和意大利在正式比赛中的首次交锋中，当时意大利的门将叫洛伦索-布冯，而他正是现在意大利队长吉安路易吉-布冯的爷爷的堂兄弟。(Fun fact: the GK in the first competitive match between Italy and Germany was Lorenzo Buffon, Gianluigi's grandad's cousin.)

Edmayjaz43(曼联球迷)：博阿滕：“嘿，椰子！”基耶利尼：“纳尼？”博尔滕：“快看，我的XX有这~~~么大。”(Boateng: Hey, Chiellini! Chiellini: What? Boateng: My dick is THIS big!)

(图)本届欧洲杯上的精彩瞬间

Thviid(哥本哈根球迷)：德国人效率就是高，这么多年的成绩一直稳定，我就没见他们什么时候不给力过。(German efficiency. Most consistent fucking team i've ever seen, i can't recall them ever being weak.)

Einmensch(德国球迷)：我们在1997年到2007年这十年表现一直不行，只进过一次世界杯决赛，剩下的最好也就是四强而已。(We were weak from 1997 to 2007, only one final in 2002 and the rests are semi-finals at most. )

Phenixxy(法国球迷)：老子装了好十几年逼，你这种装法还是第一次见。(Never have seen such kind of flaunt in my life, you made me ashamed lmao.)

(图)拜仁有了这四名后卫，下赛季的诺伊尔的日常基本就是下面两个了...

BrainOnLoan(德国球迷)：自从2006年输球之后，我一怒之下十年不曾吃披萨，现在我已经按捺不住要来一块啦！(After2006 I was so angry and didn't eat Pizza for 10 years, now I can’t waitto have one.)

【九轮大战！德国意大利上演点球激情】

Jumpset(多特蒙德球迷)：这点球大战就像英格兰VS英格兰一样。(It's like England vs. England.)

Burningprol(英格兰球迷)：扎扎在踢点球前跑的步数比在比赛里都多，据说这还是史上头一次…(It’s said that Zaza was the first player to take more steps in the run up to his penalty than in the game before.)

(图)扎扎本场比赛的跑动热点图

Steinarr134(巴萨球迷)：扎扎也不像你们说的那么糟嘛，至少他的第一脚射门就达到了梅西的水准。(To be honest Zaza was not that bad as they said, his first shot was almost the same quality as Messi.)

Danskits(土耳其球迷)：今夜踢丢点球的德国人，比过去40年的总和都多…(More Germans have missed tonight than in the previous 40 years.)

HippoBigga(阿森纳球迷)：考虑到比赛双方的实力以及比赛背景，这真是我看过的最糟糕的点球大战！(The worst penalties I've ever seen, considering the situation and the teams involved.)

(图)这也许是博阿滕最不愿提起的两件事了...

Ridibouvousaime(皇马球迷)：我发现一个问题，踢得最糟糕的点球大战，不就是踢得最精彩的点球大战吗？(I was wondering that are the worst penalties also the best penalties to some extend?)

Playahater23(德国球迷)：我就告诉你勒夫，让二娃和小媳妇都离点球远点，看见那诺伊尔了吗？让他踢点球就行！(Note to Löw, keep Özil and Muller far from penalties. Neuer himself is more suitbale from the spot.)

Perpete(斯图加特球迷)：我的心现在还久久不能平静，下次要是再搞点球大战，我就得把电视频道调走10分钟，要不然心脏真受不了啊！(still emotionally exhausted from the shoot-out, if we end up doing another penalties in this tournament I'm just gonna turn the tv off for 10mins, my heart simply can't take it.)

Nookn(德国球迷)：我觉得吧…就看这次踢得熊样，下次你怎么的也得调走20分钟才行。(With this fucking sort of finishing, it may take 20 minutes.)

Jarena(美国球迷)：我既不是德国人，也不是意大利人，为什么这比赛依然看得我心跳不已呢？(I'm not even German or Italian but my heart was still beating during the shootout.)

MarcSlayton(英格兰球迷)：你心跳要是“已”了，那就真玩完了。(you'd be in trouble if it wasn't.)

【威尔士进军四强，与葡萄牙会师半决赛】

Mourinho38(皇马球迷)：半决赛到了，葡萄身上又散发着一股平局的气息。(I can already smell the draw for Portugal in semi-final.)

SpyMonkey3D(法国球迷)：R-桑切斯才18岁，但他在欧洲杯上的进球数已经比梅西都多了！(Sanches is only 18 and already has more euro goals than Messi.)

(图)巴萨球迷：其实我希望两队在半决赛都输球...

【各大豪门相继引援，马塔接近离队】

Archjones(切尔西球迷)：转身离开，分手说不出来，马塔遇见穆帅，只是一场意外。(It's hard to say goodbye but Mata is just not the one for Mou.)

Vanxblue(马赛球迷)：恭喜伊布签下了曼联！(Zlatan sign United, congratulations.)

(图)欢迎“曼联”来到“兹拉坦”！

Starlord(曼联球迷)：哈哈，曼联这个夏天的转会要上天啦！(United have made some really damn good signing.)

Yzakhiel(曼城球迷)：当初你们签下迪马利亚和法尔考时也是这么说的…(That's what you said when they signed Falcao and Di Maria.)

Leicestercity 656(莱斯特城球迷)：你这样引援让我们很惆怅啊…下赛季还能得10分吗？保级形势更加的不利啊！(Starting to worry we might not win the league by 10 points and relegation may be hard this time as such strong guys in PL...)

Alinoisinchina(佩斯卡拉球迷)：我已经预感到，曼联的赛发布会将成为穆帅和伊布的二人脱口秀表演…(TheManchester United post-match interviews are going to be meme generatorswith Jose and Zlatan.)

Buoyantbird(巴萨球迷)：我萨签下了一名中卫？他不是31岁？他不是伤员？他只要2500万？我这是在做梦吗…(OMG a CB? who isn't 31 and/or injury prone... for 25m? Is this reality?)

Uybkw48(阿森纳球迷)：切尔西签了巴舒亚伊，曼联签了伊布和姆希塔良，曼城签了京多安和诺利托，不过没关系，咱签下了浅野呃…那个拓什么磨呀~(Chelsea got Batshuayi, Mutd got Ibra and Mkhitaryan, City got Gundogan and Nolito, it doesn’t matter since we got…hum…eh…balabalama :)

(图)阿森纳球迷纷纷搜索浅野拓磨是谁…

亲爱的小伙伴们，本期“国外也有段子手”就给大家播报到这里啦。本周，欧洲杯半决赛就要打响，让我们拭目以待，期待下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧~

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