国外也有段子手：巨星快到我碗里来！

大家好,欢迎来到每周一晚的“国外也有段子手”!上周的国际赛场虽然没有重量级比赛，但转会市场上的精彩看点仍然层出不穷。坎特正式加盟切尔西，巴萨签下法国小鲜肉迪涅，而格策、伊瓜因、博格巴等球员依然处在转会的风口浪尖之中。此外，小罗在五人制球场上又奉献出了精彩表现，而罗本则不幸再次受伤。好了，话不多说，让我们快走进今天的吐槽大会吧~

【3200万镑！切尔西签下坎特】

Cottbus00Laser(西汉姆联球迷)：我很好奇，曼联这次怎么没来抬价。(I wonder why United didn't bid.)

UselessDM (切尔西球迷)：自坎特要来以后，我的天空星星都亮了。(The light has poured in my life when I heard Kante would join us.)

Zondify(未知主队球迷)：从莱斯特城加盟切尔西，就以为着你要和下赛季的欧冠说再见了。我的天啊，这真是个奇妙的世界……(Moved fromLeicester to Chelsea and as a result will not be in the CL anymore. Damnwhat a weird season we all had.)

(图)地球有70%的面积被水覆盖，剩下的都被坎特覆盖了

Nalleontief(切尔西球迷)：有坎特和马蒂奇坐镇中路防守，只能祈祷下赛季和我车打比赛的球员在角旗附近射门的运气能好一点了。Kante and Matic in the middle of thepark... Good luck scoring vs Cheslea from the corner.

ChaosRaiden(切尔西球迷)：都是来自法国的光头黑人球员，我敢以菊花打赌，坎特将成为我车的新马克莱莱！(A French black short bald DM.You bet your ass he is going to be compared to Makelele.)

【单场五球！小罗从未老去】

BloodyTjeul(特温特球迷)：我真的很想知道，小罗要是能充分开发出自己的潜力，究竟能取得多么辉煌的成就。(I wonder how many undiscovered talents are out there for Ronaldinho to achieve greatness.)

Wchippa(曼联球迷)：人们总在自以为是地为他感到惋惜，殊不知小罗对自己的人生从未感到遗憾。(Everybody think it a pity for his short peak but himself though, have no pity.)

(图)原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由，哪会怕有一天会跌倒

【超高报价！曼联力求博格巴】

Noodleja(尤文图斯球迷)：囧爷都说了，博格巴去曼联就是职业生涯的退步！(Paul Pogba to Man United would be a step back, says Juventus boss Allegri.)

Snoyarc(曼城球迷)：虽然这是球场上后退的一小步，但却是银行卡余额上前进的一大步。(While it would be a step back on the pitch it would definitely be a step forward in the bank account.)

Moustim777(尤文图斯球迷)：身在世界前五的俱乐部里，却要转会去一支没有欧冠的队伍，波霸你还是留下来吧…(A current top 5 team vs. a team that didn't qualify for the Champions League. So just stay here pog.)

【出师不利，罗本再遭伤病困扰】

Parkthered(荷兰球迷)：等到小飞侠再不能施展出内切绝技的时候，我的青春也该结束了吧。(My youth will be at an end in the day Robben stops the trick of cutting inside.)

Faz712(AC米兰球迷)：我都不知道罗老汉之前什么时候伤愈了…(I didn't know he was fit.)

Oleg_guru(切尔西球迷)：是的，他这次伤愈登场只有短暂的30分钟…(He was, for literally 30 minutes or so.)

Pounro(热刺球迷)：他来了，他看到了，他受伤了。(He came he saw he injured.)

(注：此语出自凯撒大帝名言：我来了，我看到了，我征服了。I came, I saw, I conquered.)

Upstunar90(阿贾克斯球迷)：真的为罗本感到遗憾，现在还能有谁来带荷兰飞呢…(Feel so bad for him now who's gonna carry Holland.)

Thuiskfu(曼联球迷)：你忘了我魔的7号了吗？(Don’t forget the 7 number of us :)

Writeallnight(贝西克塔斯球迷)：我很好奇，既然罗本在比赛中经常受伤，那他是如何顺利地进行队内的训练赛呢？我不认为和利普施塔特的友谊赛能比拜仁内部训练强度更大…(I really don't understand how Robben only ever gets injured in games. How does he survive training? I would guess a game against Lippstadt isn't necessarily that much more intense than training.)

Onshiver(拜仁球迷)：尼玛，这下我们3月份第2周夺冠的梦想又破灭了，只能在第3周夺冠啦！(Fuck, now we might win the league in the 3rd week of March instead of the 2nd)

【小烟枪加盟枪手？枪手已提出报价】

Coquelins(阿森纳球迷)：意甲球队们，快藏好你们的当家射手，阿森纳要来寻枪啦！(Hide your strikers Serie A. Arsenal is lurking.)

Punkgun (苏格兰球迷)：“您好，请问有什么需要的？”“呃没事儿，我就随便看看，啥也不买。”("Hey, can I help you?" "No, I'm just looking around and don’t by anything...")

Fhauhbe(阿森纳球迷)：我们真的需要买前锋了，身边的枪迷真是越来越少了，好伤心…(It's the high time we bought strikers since gunners around me become much fewer than before.)

Ddanielm8(阿森纳球迷)：我对阿森纳有着忠贞不渝的感情，而你，是真正爱着它吗？还是仅仅喜欢夺冠时的阿森纳？——博格坎普。(“I really like Arsenal. But you, do you like Arsenal? Or just Arsenal with Trophies?” - Dennis Bergkamp)

【离队几成定局，格策或重回多特】

Nderstdubthatsm(多特蒙德球迷)：这感觉就像接受之前曾背叛过我的女友又重新回到自己身边一样，谁让我特么还爱着她呢？(I just feel like accepteing the unfaithful girlfriend back into my home as I still f**kingly loves her.)

Bumwax(多特蒙德球迷)：三年前，女友和我分手时说到：“好了，你相信有朝一日格策会重回多特吗？就像我们的感情一样，再也回不到过去了。”而如今，格策又将回到最初的起点，但她却早已嫁为人妻，成为了别人孩子的母亲。(I remembered when I broke up with my girlfriends three years ago, she said ' Its okay, do you believe Gotze can go back to BVB?  It's just like we two cannot work this out like before'. Now Gotze is about to come back but she has already got married and become a mother.)

TheJoshider10(卡迪夫城球迷)：当初格策离开时，多特签下了姆希塔良来顶替他的空缺。现在姆希塔良走了，格策又重新回来补上自己的位置了…(Funny how Dortmund bought Mkhitaryan to replace Götze a fewyears ago and now bought Götze back to replace Mkhitaryan.)

Sasq22(皇家盐湖城球迷)：确实该走啊，不然下赛季在拜仁碰见胡梅尔斯，这得多尴尬….(I can’t imagine the embarrassment when Götze meet Hummels in Bayern next season so it’s better to leave.)

【重出江湖！舍甫琴科执教乌克兰国家队】

Nuwanda(AC米兰球迷)：舍瓦其谁！(Only Sheeeeva!!!! )

Cozayer(国际米兰球迷)：我仍记得有那么一个时代，范尼、里瓦尔多、亨利、克雷斯波、罗纳尔迪尼奥、舍甫琴科、欧文、劳尔和罗纳尔多这些球员都正值巅峰，那是真正的黄金一代。(There was a time when van Nistelrooy, Rivaldo, Henry, Crespo, Ronaldinho, Sheva, Owen, Raúl and Ronaldo were all at the peak of their game at the same time. That was a truly golden time.)

【颜值新担当！迪涅加盟巴萨】

Tenclubber(巴萨球迷)：我比较好奇平均每出场54分钟就会夺得一座冠军奖杯的道格拉斯会去哪里。(I’m just wondering where the player with one trophy every 54 minutes played will go.)

ColinZealSE(曼联球迷)：为了寻求首发的机会，迪涅离开了巴黎而加盟…巴塞罗那？(So he leaved PSG to become a starter and signed with Barca?)

Colucci(巴萨球迷)：轮换大法好，恩叔保平安。(Rotation adopted by Enrique would make it well.)

【博卡遭遇经济困局，特维斯或重回欧洲？】

Manater43(皇马球迷)：你说特维斯离开博卡？那我宁愿相信C罗加盟巴萨。(In my view it's more likely for Cristiano to join Barca than Tevez left Boca.)

(图)当年还有头发的小马哥和特维斯一起登陆英超，转眼十多年已匆匆而过

Ewaninho(利物浦球迷)：如果是因为钱的问题，那特维斯就不会离开尤文。我还是觉得，就算博卡发不出工资来，特维斯也会留在他的家乡。(He would not left Juventus if money can play a slight part. I believe Tevez is sure to stay in Boca even with no salaries.)

JMitch67(奥格斯堡球迷)：欧洲有的是挥金如土的豪门，有的是驰骋欧冠的劲旅，但这位久经沙场的老将的内心，却如同潘帕斯雄鹰一样坚定：“那些都是很好很好的，可我偏不喜欢。”(Tevez is an experienced player who has the ability to be a starter in any big teams in Europe, but the cheques and trophies are not things a Pampas eagle pursues.)

好了，本期的国外也有段子手就为大家播报到这里了，让我们下周不见不散！

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