国外也有段子手：别说再见，我已经开始想念！

大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷，各大豪门纷纷开始季前热身赛事，而转会市场上也是风波四起。好了，话不多说，让我们看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

【伊布超神倒钩，曼联5-2加拉塔萨雷】

GuyChiffre(未知主队球迷)：这是伊布加盟曼联后的第三次触球，第一脚射门…(3rd touch and first shot for United.)

TheFrenchPasta(巴黎圣日尔曼球迷)：别说再见，我已经开始想念。(I've missed you already, hard to say goodbye Ibra.)

(图)听说波霸的转会费很贵？没关系，我的球衣卖的价钱就能把波霸买来了！

Tasarayhakan(加拉塔萨雷球迷)：只有我觉得伊布的进球其实是踢呲了吗…(Tell me you also think it's a fault but goal fortunately…)

Justh0nest(莱万特球迷)：你懂什么？球进了那是伊布牛逼，球要没进，那是因为伊布要示范一个标准倒钩动作。(Don't say fault for Ibra, it's a fantastic shot if it scored while a good posture on purpose if not.)

(图)训练课上，伊布有更重要的事情需要思考

FlyingSnoopy(曼联球迷)：5年了，我终于又看见瓦伦西亚传一次好球了…(It took Valencia5 years to get back on giving a good cross.)
Eddigitag(曼联球迷)：下赛季，给伊布喂饼的瓦伦西亚将要走向人生巅峰啦！(Antonio valencia is gonna be promoted to a higher level feeding zlatan this season.)

Dhillonaire(曼联球迷)：我们能把迪马利亚再签回来嘛…(Can we sign Di Maria back…)

Digitag(曼联球迷)：这真是功夫足球！(What a Kung Fu Kick!)

Juve313(尤文图斯球迷)：曼联不但签下了一位能让球迷转会的教练，还签下了一位能让球迷转会的九号。(Mutd sign a number nine and a coach who both can lead fans to change their supporting team.)

Attila_22(德国球迷)：球迷们都在调侃千年不老的布冯，殊不知伊布也只比他小3岁…(We always tease on Buffon's long career but in fact, Ibra is just 3 years younger than him…)

(图)有了上图这些后卫，布冯下赛季的日常只好这样了...

【冤家聚首！利物浦2-0 AC米兰】
TyperSniper 77(曼联球迷)：要是我爹知道我半夜3点起来看了一场利物浦的热身赛，不得削死我…(Think my old man would straight up disown me if he knew I was awake at 3am watching a Liverpool pre-season match.)

Torehe 13(AC米兰球迷)：咳咳，你老头对当年的米兰应该还是心存敬畏之心的…(Eh…Your old man probably has alot of respect for a team like Milan.)

(图)曾经的米兰群星璀璨

djeval 12(AC米兰球迷)：在比赛结束前，我们能不能一次性控球超过5秒钟…(Will we ever be able to keep the ball for more than 5 seconds before the game ends?)

MVB3(AC米兰球迷)：我们其实做到了，你看看阿巴特准备扔边线球的时候，哪次没超过5秒钟了？(We already have. Just count the seconds every time Abate is hugging the ball on throw-ins.)

Loveandmonsters(利物浦球迷)：十年前，你要是说这俩队在今后N年都得不到欧冠冠军，估计人们会把你送到精神病院去的，而现在…(If you'd said a decade ago that both of these teams would end up without CL in years, they'da put you in the loony bin. But now…)

【加梅罗加盟马竞，比埃托租借塞维利亚】

Battalion45 (博尔顿球迷)：真替塞维利亚感到难过，科雷霍、加梅罗都走了，更别说埃梅里和巴内加了…感觉身体被掏空…(Gotta feel for Sevilla.Krychowiak and Gameiro in a window, not to mention losing Unai Emery andBanega as well. What an empty team!)

Nalviikatemies(阿森纳球迷)：他们连夺三届欧联杯，可能连老天都看不下去了吧…(It's like they're being punished for doing so well in the Europa league every season.)

(图)幸运饼干的赠言：你将在新欢处找到幸福

Ps3FifaCfc95(凯尔特人球迷)：这桩转会可真快，几分钟之前刚刚爆料双方达成共识，随后立马就官宣了。(That was pretty quick given it was only minutes ago they reached an agreement.)

Superwenger(阿森纳球迷)：尤文图斯和曼联可真得学学人家。(Juve and United should take a leaf from their book.)

Jelboo(巴萨球迷)：吾寻锋之难，难于上青天！(Finding a decent backup forward is going to be a struggle for us.)

【小将格林帽子戏法，拜仁4-1国际米兰】
Edayo235(曼联球迷)：温格：我当年差点签下格林。(Wenger: I almost signed Green before.)

Almdudler(西班牙球迷)：住手拜仁！你还有人性吗？国米球员也是上有老下有小的人，你咋下手这么狠！(Holy shit man. They've got families, bayern you fucking savage!)

St33n3rs 3(国际米兰球迷)：刚开始听说ESPN不转播这场比赛，我还挺生气，现在只庆幸幸好没转播。(I initially was mad that this game wasn't on ESPN in my area. Now, I'm happy it wasn't...)

wisakoy 5(国际米兰球迷)：拉诺基亚真是场上最好的演员，他成功地让每一个人都相信他是一名球员…(Ranocchia is the best actor on the pitch. He's so good that people even believe him that he is football player.)

Vorrundenaus 4 (拜仁球迷)：我真难以相信，就国米这破后防上赛季咋没丢100个球？(I refuse to believe this Inter defense didn't concede at least 100 last season.)
Torehe 10 (AC米兰球迷)：That's because Ranocchia was loaned out.(大概是因为他们把拉诺基亚外租了吧…)

【梅西新发型亮相，巴萨3-1凯尔特人】

TheJarlo5(巴萨球迷)：在遇见内马尔之前，梅西的发型还是挺正儿八经的…(Messi hair cut was good befire he met Neymar.)

The_boner_owner(巴萨球迷)：挺喜欢梅老板的土豪金发型，这样我就能在渣画质直播里一眼就认出他来了！(Love Messi's new blonde hair. Makes it easy to pick him out on my shit quality stream.)

(图)据说这才是梅西换造型的原因所在...

【皇马3-2切尔西，阿扎尔梅开二度，马塞洛一条龙破门】
Tneedone (曼联球迷)：C罗你小心点，皇马又涌现出一位左路飞翼！(Ronaldo look out, RM has new left winger!)

Harkoncito (皇马球迷)：阿扎尔你不用这么拼，我们不会买你的…(Hazard, stop, we wont buy you.)

【6000万镑！切尔西购卢卡库受阻】
Bydy2(米德尔斯堡球迷)：按惯例，今年不应该去马竞挖格列兹曼吗？(They don't ask Atletico for Griezmann as usual? )

l2ighty(曼城球迷)：卢卡库和斯通斯都能卖到6000万？我的天，这个世界怎么了？(Even Lukaku and Stones worth 60 million? Crazy world…)

【拉伊奥拉叫暂停，波霸转会谜团依旧】

Pakaru(博卡球迷)：这种感觉就像是你下载一个向往已久的XX片，结果一直卡在99%不动了…(It's just like downloading a long-wanted porn but stuck at 99 percent.)
Deception42(曼联球迷)：红魔搞定波霸日，家祭无忘告乃翁。(Once I die fifty years later, please tell me if Pog's transfer is confirmed then.)

【登录荷甲？阿贾克斯问价巴神】
Eldab(基辅迪纳摩球迷)：巴神要去阿姆斯特丹啦？那我可得好好瞧瞧…(Balotelli in Amsterdam? This I have got to see!)

(注：阿贾克斯所在的阿姆斯特丹市素有“性都”的美誉~)

RockinMa(曼联球迷)：要是他的经纪人是拉伊奥拉的话，我觉得巴神至少也能卖8000万欧元。(His transfer fee would be at least 80 million if his agent is Raiola.)

Sdrcfc(英格兰球迷)：阿贾克斯一向善于发掘年轻球员的潜力，要知道巴神现在也只有25岁…(Ajax is great with developing young prospects. Please notice that he is just 25 years old.)

【在美帝世界，足球在发生什么呢？】
Seasfindie(切尔西球迷)：兰帕德在纽约城对阵科罗拉多急流队的比赛中上演帽子戏法了！这可是纽约城球队历史上第一个帽子戏法！(Frank Lampard hat-trick against Colorado Rapids. First in New York City history.)

(注：纽约城足球俱乐部于2013年成立。)

(图)你知道吗？C罗比70%的NBA篮球运动员跳得都高

Ragnar_Targaryen (波特兰伐木者球迷)：与此同时，旧金山淘金者队(NFL橄榄球队)的老板把当地的一个足球场给拆了，因为他要给媒体的通讯车们腾地方，以帮助他们直播NFL超级碗的比赛:(…(Meanwhile, in America, the owner of the San Francisco 49ers destroys local soccer fields, that youth teams use, so that the media has a place to park their trailers during the Super Bowl :(

(图)懂球帝们，你喜欢哪种妹子呢？

亲爱的小伙伴们，本期“国外也有段子手”就给大家播报到这里啦。让我们拭目以待，期待下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧~

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