国外也有段子手：年年宇宙队，今年换口味！

大家好，欢迎来到“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，五大联赛激战正酣，各大豪门纷纷上演精彩好戏，而新赛季的欧冠抽签也尘埃落定，这些无一不令球迷们大饱眼福。好了，话不多说，让我们看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

【恩式巴萨100胜！巴萨1-0客胜毕包】

Cinterprof(巴萨球迷)：在巴萨，瓜帅最出色的一招就是把梅西从右路转变为伪九号的角色，而恩式巴萨最大的特点就是让梅西重新回到右路。(Moving Messi from Right wing to False 9 sees Peps’s greatness while GENIUS Move Messi back to RW is why Lucho is rated.)

Rojiblanc0(马竞球迷)：苏牙是不是没喝马黛茶就出来了...这样的变现对他而言已经是灾难级了...(Guess Suarez didn't drink any yerba mate before playing today... that performance from him was horrible.)

(图)要不，苏神也去染个头发？

Skizo17(切尔西球迷)：看到梅西都在吐饼，苏牙再能吃也不好意思动嘴了…(He was just not wiiling to score seeing Messi himself was wasting opportunities.)

Username3009(美国球迷)：知道什么是进攻型门将吗？小狮子给你提供完美模板。(Do you know what is a attacking goalkeeper is? Tel Stegen may be a good example. )

Feliperc(拜仁球迷)：诺伊尔表示不服。(Neuer may say no. )

MorbidB(波尔图球迷)：切尼表示很赞。(Ceni liked this.)

(图)真"场均一冠"的道格拉斯将离开巴萨了...

【克罗斯绝杀，皇马2-1塞尔塔】

UncleGuu(马赛球迷)：不知齐祖会不会给球员们先定一个小目标？比如完成个马赛回旋什么的。(I just wonder if Zidane would think Marseille turn just a simple tickle for his players.)

phz10(皇马球迷)：C君，我们现在挺好的。你不在的第2周，想你。(Miss you so much Mr.C, we made it well without you these two weeks. )

(图)假如小编把名字去掉，你能认出皇马的大腿们是谁嘛？

【首站大捷，拜仁6-0狂胜不莱梅】

Inalek(不莱梅球迷)：我梅为了让拜仁打一场漂亮比赛可谓用心良苦，就差进个乌龙球了。(We’d done so much for Bayern and the only thing missing from this game is an own goal.)

SHAD0WPATRI0TS(乌迪内斯球迷)：诺伊尔真幸运啊，可以在视野这么好的地方看一场球赛。(So lucky that Neuer is basically a spectator in a good place for whole match.)

Pedwrithing(德国球迷)：这场比赛追平了德甲史上比分最悬殊揭幕战的记录…而与之持平的那个记录和拜仁有关，只不过是以0-6的比分输给了奥芬巴赫踢球者...(This game ties for highest win in the first game of the Bundesliga season. The other game was also a 6:0 and Bayern was involved. They lost to Kickers Offenbach.)

WWisdom(沙尔克04球迷)：唉，谁又能想到，奥芬巴赫踢球者今晚刚刚在德国第四级别联赛里输给了斯坦伯格，现在以-4分的积分排在第四级别联赛倒数第一…(Who lost their Game against teutonia watzenborn-Steinberg(!) tonight in the 4th German Division and are now still Last of the table with -4 pts.)

(图)岁月是把...

Metrize(曼联球迷)：不莱梅真可惜啊，要是把他们的射门数当成进球数的话，这不就能打平了嘛！(What a pity! Bremen could get at least a draw if their shots count as goals.)

【登顶榜首！曼城3-1西汉姆联】

MassiveChap(曼城球迷)：喜娃如此多娇，引无数球迷竞折腰。(David Silva is fucking awesome. He is liked by so many fans.

StalkingDwarf(曼城球迷)：斯特林状态回暖就是最佳引援，最强之人已在阵中。(refreshed Sterling is the best transfer this summer, he was just so marvelous.)

FedorN98(未知主队球迷)：瓜迪奥拉在曼城绝对被高估了，他的成就还不是因为斯特西！(Pep is overrated, his success is due to Sterlingessi.)

(图)球星手机壳，你喜欢哪一个？

Skizo17(切尔西球迷)：我觉得切尔西，曼城和曼联将铁定会进入前四，那么问题来了，剩下一个名额会是阿森纳、利物浦还是热刺呢？(I think Chelsea, Manchester City, and Manchester United are locked in for top four. Only question is will Arsenal, Liverpool, or Tottenham Hotspur join them?)

kingpinnn(阿森纳球迷)：真正的粉丝，就算什么都不说也知道我指的是谁。(I don’t need to say any word and Arsenal fans may know it.)

【阿森纳3-1沃特福德，穆斯塔菲、佩雷斯接近加盟】

ChelseaNostra(切尔西球迷)：阿森纳就是这种球队，这场比赛踢得像巴萨一样好，但下一场比赛可能就踢得像布莱克浦一样了...(Arsenal are well and truly the team that can go fromlooking like Barcelona one week, to Blackpool the next.)

Rudygha(利物浦球迷)：这算啥，我军在同一场比赛里就可以完成这些。(Liverpool instead do both in the same game.)

(图)厄祖改名叫厄助了？

MrMarris(阿森纳球迷)：穆斯塔菲的转会就像是我们在日常要完成的一件任务一样，刚开始时全在偷懒扯皮，直到最后一天才慌慌张张地加班搞完...(Mustafi’s  transfer reminds me of working in a project; lots ofbargaining and delays, then everything unexpectedly comes together in aday. )

Mojam(阿森纳球迷)：花这么多钱，是不是意味着我们将有400个工作人员要下岗了？(That would be atleast 400 employees laid off for this sum of money.)

【补时绝杀，曼联1-0胡尔城】

Plamdiggin(曼联球迷)：穆帅，多给拉什福德一点机会吧，哪怕每个补时让他上场也行... 他能在我们曾经最黄金的时间里进球的！(Give Rashford more chace even in extra time please! He can always score in the golden minutes as we used to have…)

【大巴黎输球了！摩纳哥3-1获胜利】

Savage9645(摩纳哥球迷)：刚看新闻时，我真的以为是那帮傻瓜把比分给写反了...比赛前我都祈祷着少输当赢的...(Fuck me….I just thought they made the result opposite down. Honestly before the game I hoped that losing fewer would be a kind of win. )

Thegrone(巴黎球迷)：没事，按照伊布转会惯例，我们今年应该夺得欧冠了！(It dosen’t matter as we will win CL this year as Ibra left.)

Watfordm8(沃特福德球迷)：这个...今年伊布参加的是欧联杯，再加上爱美丽的buff，我觉得你们得欧联杯冠军才是稳如狗…(Well...Ibra would play europe league this year and you’d better fight for this, not alone your coach is an expert in it.

【欧冠抽签，强强对话看点多多】

MrBigShot247(阿森纳球迷)：对一支年年打宇宙队的球队而言，和巴黎分一组已经很不错了…(At least we are not with Barca or Bayern in group stage so Paris seems good.)

Ymericlapor(巴伦西亚球迷)：我觉得你们基本会在小组赛输给巴塞尔，然后再史诗般地战胜巴黎而获得小组第二名。(Arsenal lose to Basel and get a heroic win against PSG to clinch 2nd place confirmed.)

VOROBI(标准列日球迷)：然后在淘汰赛先主场1-3输给根本哈根，然后再客场2-0站死…(…and lose 1-3 to Copenhagen at home but win 2-0 in Denmark.)

Yubiscarat(曼城球迷)：其实小组赛打巴萨也挺好的，省得淘汰赛第一轮又被他们淘汰了…(Actually I think it a good thing to meet Barca in group stage so that we won’t be wiped out by them in the first knockout round.)

XavGrav(皇马球迷)：咳咳，我觉得你们小组出线后，基本就是在我皇和拜仁之间选一个了...立帖为证。(Hum...you might be faced with us or Bayern then I bet.)

Snakeofpain(凯尔特人球迷)：连续三年和巴萨分在一个小组...我们这是成了嫁到那里的媳妇儿了吗？(3 Group stages in a row… are we married to Barcelona?)

Pusiano(阿贾克斯球迷)：假如我们进了欧冠的话，十有八九也是会和巴萨分到一组的...(If Ajax were in the CL, we'd probably draw them again too)

MrFace1(AC米兰球迷)：说到欧冠踢巴萨，我米以前不是针对谁…(It’s us who used to meet with Barca in CL…)

Kluiez(阿森纳球迷)：哦？你们在说什么呢？(Pardon?)

(图)装作什么都不知道的样子...

亲爱的小伙伴们，本期“国外也有段子手”就给大家播报到这里啦。本周，精彩比赛又将来袭，让我们拭目以待，期待下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧~

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