国外也有段子手：一路上有你，苦一点也愿意！

大家好，欢迎来到每周一晚的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，曼市德比引爆英超，巴萨爆冷输给升班马，利物浦大胜卫冕冠军狐狸城，而皇马阿森纳等球队的后卫们也摩拳擦掌，纷纷取得精彩进球，无不令球迷们大饱眼福。好了，话不多说，让我们看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

【瓜穆之战！曼联1-2主场负曼城】

Mynameisloogs(英格兰球迷)：能插能射的丁丁，就问你怕不怕！(Fuck KDB’s positional sense and shooting are nightmare for every one.)

HatesLVG 697(切尔西球迷)：看着丁丁和穆帅成为对手，这种感觉就像看着你还深爱着的两个前任互相撕逼一样纠结…( KDB played against Mou, it's like you watch your ex beat your other ex while both of them are still in your heart.)

Anthony_MartiaI(曼联球迷)：作为中场，姆希塔良这场比赛的传球数甚至还比不上布拉沃…(Bravo has more passes than Mkhi who is a middlefield.)

Acampa007(西汉姆联球迷)：瓜瓜对鲁尼说：“我是不会给你球的，除非告诉我你在哪里做的植发。”(Guardiola: I am not going to give you the ball until you tell me where you got the hair transplant.)

Promnibus(巴塞尔球迷)：布林德这场比赛真是人如其名啊！(Blind really living up to his name there.)

(注：Blind，布林德，英文本意为“盲目的，瞎的”。)

Acouchuskies08(摩纳哥球迷)：波霸这场比赛向人们展示了强大的护球技术，可护完球之后就基本上啥也不会干了…(Pogba’sgreat at protecting the ball under pressure...and then doing nothingwith it most of time.)

(图)巴萨和皇马的球迷也很关心曼市德比的结果...

FostertheReno(利物浦球迷)：这场比赛可谓是布拉沃职业生涯最难熬的95分钟了吧…(Longest 95 minutes of Bravo's life? :)

Purswiper33(塞维利亚球迷)：布拉沃在这场比赛里出现的失误，比在巴萨过去两年加在一块还多…(Bravo made more mistakes in this game than in 2 years playing for Barca.)

(图)曼城球迷：其实这件曼联球衣也是不错的嘛！

Hunteryis25(皇马球迷)：看着穆帅和瓜瓜，我想我终于明白了相爱相杀到老的含义，一路上有你，苦一点也愿意。(I start to know Pep and Jose are friends but rivals all their life, they make the other more motivated in the disgusting coaching life in PL.)

【开倒车！后卫齐发威，皇马5-2奥萨苏纳】

Supermario(意大利球迷)：我觉得笨马下一场可以去踢中卫了，反正水爷和佩佩都会挤在前面。(Well Benzema can play CB next time as Ramos and Pepe will go forward all the time.)

(图)皮克：tmd，老子也忍不住啦！

A1k3nhead(皇马球迷)：大比分赢球的比赛看得多了，但双中卫都进球的场面还真是第一次见着…(Big scores are not rare but it’s the staring center backs scoring together hard to see.)

GoodDealOnUm8(阿森纳球迷)：我觉得黑C罗和黑梅西的人都是不幸的，因为他们都错过了当今足坛另一半的美。(Those who hate Cristiano or Messi are so unlucky since they miss the other half greatness of football in this world.)

(图)真正的球迷，从不会诋毁他们之中的任何一位

Beardbuckler(未知主队球迷)：安切洛蒂曾说过，当C罗首发的时候，比赛就已经1-0领先了。("If Cristiano starts, the match starts 1-0." Carlo Ancelotti.)

Actom360(利物浦球迷)：当米尼奥莱首发的时候，比赛就已经0-1落后了。(If Mignolet starts the match starts 0-1.)

【爆冷门！巴萨主场1-2阿拉维斯】

Rztrc(阿拉维斯球迷)：天呐！我简直不敢相信我的眼睛！(OMG! I cannot believe what I'm seeing!!)

Rmurph22(切尔西球迷)：这场比赛巴萨只有两脚射门打在门框以内，这是4年来最差的成绩了…(Barca only had two shoots on target, which was the least in recent 4 years.)

Whalefister(巴塞罗那球迷)：不是我们不想射，而是他们逼太紧了…(We did want to make some goals but Alaves pushed too hard.)

(图)你猜这究竟是在夸谁...

Livingparallel(凯尔特人球迷)：天啦噜，这是要留着力气到周中欧冠虐我们么…和巴萨比我们就像翔一样…(Saving them all for Tuesday, no doubt...We are total shi*t comparing with them.)

OreytPal(谢菲尔德联球迷)：大胸弟，上次这么说的是塞尔塔，他们装完逼就进了巴萨四个球。(It was Celta that said the same before and they socred 4 goals against Barca after that.)

(图)担心被迫染发而心慌慌的苏牙

Egge28(芝加哥火焰球迷)：基科-费米尼亚只来诺坎普踢过两场比赛，但这两次都把巴萨给打败了，而且两次都是升班马在卫冕冠军主场耀武扬威的好戏：一次是今年的阿拉维斯，另一次是2010年的大力神队。(Kiko Femenía has only played 2 times at the Camp Nou, and has won both times with promoted teams against defending champions. (Hércules in 2010 and Alavés in 2016).)

(图)1998年齐达内获得金球奖时的候选名单，看看都有谁？

Jd763(国际米兰球迷)：恭喜下注买阿拉维斯赢球的球迷！(Congratulations to whoever bet on Alaves.)

JuventusX(尤文图斯球迷)：我觉得小马哥应该是赚得最多的…(That would be Mascherano who win the most.)

【惊天倒钩+补时绝杀，阿森纳2-1南安普顿】

(图)一位喜爱阿森纳的以温格的名字命名了一颗1998年发现的小行星

Biltem(贝西克塔斯球迷)：一名后卫能踢进这样的倒钩，真是现在立马退役也毫无遗憾了…(When a defender does that, he might as well walk off the pitch and retire.)

TrippyMane(皇马球迷)：呃…那我觉得水爷已经可以退役十好几次了…(Well…Ramos may have retired a dozen times)

(图)过去20年里各支豪门俱乐部的历任主教练人数

Hessenuk(未知主队球迷)：你知道吗？自从上次威尔谢尔在英超踢满整场90分钟比赛的之后，C罗已经踢进了115个球了…(Since Jack Wisherer last played 90 minutes of Premier league football, Cristiano Ronaldo has scored 115 goals.)

Nato210187(阿森纳球迷)：补时绝杀！我真的连做梦都想不到啊！(Kill the game in extra time was far beyond I ever dreamt of…)

Rappix74(曼联球迷)：哦？是么？曼联球迷表示这20年来都习惯了。(So this is so common for a Manchester United fan of 20 years.)

(图)枪手的“进球(GOAL)”组合

【激情四射，利物浦4-1莱斯特城

Diceandmice(利物浦球迷)：面对上赛季的冠亚军，我们都打进了4个球，却又偏偏输给了升班马。没错，这就是我军的风格！(We've nowwon and scored 4 against last season's top 2 and have lost to a newlypromoted team. That sounds about right for Liverpool.)

Shizzukani(多特蒙德球迷)：拉拉纳这是把之前各种错失良机所积蓄的力量全憋在这一球上了么…(Lallana just combined the power of all the goals he never scored into that one strike.)

Radiator(利物浦球迷)：呼呼~作为一个新晋红军球迷，有谁能给我解释一下什么叫做“零封”吗？(Hum…I am a new Liverpool fan, who can tell me what does a clean sheet mean? )

(图)马赫雷斯：唉，要是去阿森纳就好了，第四名其实也不错的...

Bangedchat(莱斯特城球迷)：今年保级何处是？坎特不见使人愁。(Hard season for us to avoid relegation, is the lack of Kanté this bad? :(

【疑案重重，切尔西2-2斯旺西】

Tjofte(英格兰球迷)：长叹息以掩涕息！哀裁判之无眼。(I am so sorry that the ref doesn’t have eyes in his life.)

(图)各球员对应的emoji表情，不过小编觉得有一个应该换成...

IdWael90(切尔西球迷)：按这两天后卫进球的惯例，我本以为特里或伊万也能进个球的…(I thought Terry or Ivancould made some scores as defenders were active these days.)

HumblePotato(切尔西球迷)：脸长得帅有什么用，关键是看你到最后还能不能射！对吧科斯塔？(Not having a handsome face means nothing for Costa as he could always score at last to gain cheers.)

(图)47岁的詹妮弗-洛佩兹与27岁的科斯塔

【小烟枪发威，尤文连胜领跑积分榜】

Muzzydon2(尤文图斯球迷)：天呐，那个胖子真是贪得无厌！快喂他饼吃啊，他已对进球饥渴难耐啦！(The fat man is fucking hungry for goal, feed him the ball and he will score!)

Agejaeger(意大利球迷)：10分钟两脚射门，两个进球，对一个胖子而言已经不错了！(10 mins, 2 shots, 2 goals. Not bad for a fatty.)

Xepa105(尤文图斯球迷)：他们有MSN，咱有皮亚尼瓜因！(They have MSN, but we have Pjaniguain!)

THZHDY(图卢兹球迷)：刚刚我们有幸看到了布冯的失误，这真是太不容易了！因为上一次还是发生在15年前…(We just witnessed a rare sighting of a Buffon mistake. It's been about 15 years since the last one.)

(图)布冯在1997年上演国家队处子秀，而他现在的国家队队友多纳鲁马出生在1999年

RollUpFromHell(未知主队球迷)：看布冯的比赛，总会有一种错觉；他让我偏执地觉得，自己的青春还没有结束。我就怕哪一天他真的退役了，关于青春的一切，也就一去不返了。(Watching Buffon play would give me an illusion, which made me feel like I am still a teenager. Hard to accept the fact that memories of my youth days are doomed to fade when he is retired. )

亲爱的小伙伴们，本期“国外也有段子手”就给大家播报到这里啦。本周中，精彩纷呈的欧冠赛事就要开始啦，让我们拭目以待，期待下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧！

(图)你懂的老司机们，看看人家这水平，你们还好意思飙车嘛？

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